I feel like a terribe person when I'm in a bad mood. I feel like I'm letting everyone down, because I'm not happy. Jessica is supposed to be happy, all the time. Except I'm not... really. So I'm sorry for the way I am when I'm not the happiest person. I know I am not very nice, I just can't help it. But honestly I don't even care anymore...
it's been harder than usual lately, and I'm not sure why. But I'll get over it. Or burry it, like I always do.
I really am sorry.

I just wanted someone to hear that...

There are times when I miss you.
Then I remember you dented the stove, 
While yelling at mom and Josh.
While I sat in my room crying against the door
Waiting for it all to go away.
There are times when I miss you.
But then I think of
how many times I've cried myself to sleep
Because of you.
There are times when I hope you miss me
Because I've changed,
I'm stronger.
I want you to miss your little girl, 
And realize you've made a huge mistake.
I want you to know,
How many tears I've shed, 
How many letters I've written,
How many times I've screamed,
How I'm living my life just fine.
Without you. Yet
There are still times when I miss you.

love.

Is it so crazy that I believe in love?
I feel like it is the closest thing that humanity has to perfection. Cause when you love someone... You love everything about them. There isn't anything in the world that you wouldn't do for them and you trust them to take your heart and not break it. When you're in love, it's perfect. I have never felt this way before.. and I'm scared to death of losing this feeling. I'm afraid to mess up. I'm afraid to forget. I'm afraid to fail. All I want is to love you forever, and for you to love me back. I love how you make me feel, and I hope to keep you happy for as long as I can.
I love you.

Love Living.

"We are always getting ready to live, but never living"
-Ralph Waldo Emerson

Ralph Waldo Emerson was a transcendentalist, meaning he believed in living life through nature--not with the all of the material possessions we rely on. Well, I personally couldn't live the way he, or Thoreau lived... dropping everything and moving to the middle of the woods. But I admire it. I admire everything those men did, because they realized what it really means to live. As humans, we could learn quite a bit from them. Because "We are always getting ready to live, but never living." So get out there and live! Don't just follow the daily routines, and accept it. Make a little change. Don't think that because you have to go to school, or work all day, that you can't live your life. You can. Do what you love, and "Love the life you live." That's what living is to me... It's being with who I love and doing what I love. Because in doing so, I couldn't be any happier.

I love you more.

p.a.h.

My definition of love is when you get out of the car after a great night, and your heart aches because you miss them so much already. It's when you are walking to your front door and you are debating the entire time whether or not you should run back to the car, get in, and drive back to their house for just one more kiss. Love is when you want to spend every waking hour with them and you don't even care what you are doing because you are just happy to be with them. It is when they laugh at your stupid jokes, tell you that you look gorgeous even though you think they are full of bologna, and when you talk to them all day, dream of them all night, then repeat. Love is when everything from a smell, to a food, to a TV show reminds you of them and you can't help but smile….
When you start to like someone, you don't know whether or not it is going to last. You can hope it will, but the truth is, you just don't know. But that is just in the beginning... I think you know whether it is going to last or not after the first kiss. The first kiss is the one that sets the stage for the rest of them. Now, I've had plenty of first kisses in my life, there was the one in kindergarten, then the first kiss that actually counts in high school… to the best first kiss in my life. The one where my best friend kicks me out of my own car to kiss the boy I've like for so long. The one where there was that awkward, nervous moment before, but it turns out to be the most beautiful moment in time. That first kiss made everything clear. I didn't know it then, but I know it now.
Parker, I've fallen in love with you.

Wyoming.

They finally engulf the words in which I have etched
in the warm golden sand.
The white foam of the wave touches my toes,
and sends a cold shiver up my spine.
Warm weathered goose bumps grow across my skin,
and then it is gone.
until the next time the wave creeps up,
and erases my entire foot,
A print which stood there
only a moment ago.
-JPK